When war ends, violence stays alive. The roads toward peace and significance still lead nowhere. Perhaps the aftermath is the best time to blame those who refused to carry guns and take sides. How do you deaden the pain of trusting somebody who is trying to destroy you? How are you to know the difference when your enemy says he loves you? And so begins the battle for surviWhen war ends, violence stays alive. The roads toward peace and significance still lead nowhere. Perhaps the aftermath is the best time to blame those who refused to carry guns and take sides. How do you deaden the pain of trusting somebody who is trying to destroy you? How are you to know the difference when your enemy says he loves you? And so begins the battle for survival....
|Title||:||If (Born in Sarajevo #2)|
|Number of Pages||:||212 Pages|
|Status||:||Available For Download|
|Last checked||:||21 Minutes ago!|
If (Born in Sarajevo #2) Reviews
Taking up the memoir of a girl who managed to leave war-stricken Sarajevo and live in America, sadly we find that her life was not happy in Texas either. Having been raised in a country where women were the slaves of the men, the author tells us, she knew no better when her boyfriends treated her badly. Domestic abuse is the unifying theme of IF with an imagined crime scene to start, in which the detective is weary of seeing yet another woman murdered by yet another partner. This, says the author, is the logical conclusion for a society in which women weigh 110 pounds and men weigh 210 pounds, and men believe that they can and must dominate. As a reader, I'm wondering what all these big men are so afraid of that they have to beat up smaller weaker people. Afraid of being told 'no' perhaps? That doesn't kill anyone. The author would have been better off if she'd found a relationship with someone from a different background to her own; yet not all men could blame their behaviour on wars. Having spent seven years of being belittled in front of co-workers, talked down to and beaten badly, the author yet entered a legal marriage with this man because she wanted the joint income to bring her grandmother to America. Girl, just leave. Her final parting was fraught but eventually the two passed as strangers on the street, she having freed herself from her inherited attitude. We then learn more about how it feels to be an immigrant. The message is that if you stay in the abusive relationship, you allow it to continue. When women grow up they get stronger and get out. Maybe this is why some men have a series of relationships with young women? Not all men behave in this appalling, bullying fashion and we need to value the good ones. IF is a read for adults and the memoir will be of interest to other survivors or those undergoing domestic abuse; to women's study classes and social workers. This is an unflinching memoir from a brainwashed, beaten woman who turned out to be strong and beautiful. For comparison I suggest 'Breaking Free' by Abby Sher and 'How To Find The Right Person To Date' by Celia John.
Others have summarized the premise of this memoir, so I'll cover the part they didn't: this is the first-hand, deeply personal account of a woman who discovers her "perfect" boyfriend is possessive, controlling and abusive. Why doesn't she run, run, run, the moment she realizes this -- and why does she remain in this awful situation for years? "In abusive relationships, there is only one if," Snjezana writes. "If you decide to stay in it don't label yourself abused. It might sound harsh, but you are simply self-destructive."She speaks from experience, so, no, this isn't a case of pot calling kettle black. She owns up to her mistakes and offers pages of insights and lessons learned, in hopes that others might learn from her mistakes.Women are more likely than men to become prisoners in their own homes, and more likely to be physically abused or even killed by their domestic partners. Many statistics like these, from a thesis the author wrote, are sprinkled throughout the narrative.She also lists red-flags-waving that many women won't recognize, but in hindsight, these were warning signs. E.g., those "little signs usually come in a form of actions that slip between very sweet words...many of us still have a child hidden deep inside who will reach for candy rather than do his or her homework...many years might pass before we figure out that what we got into is just downsizing our self-worth and self-respect."The author is not a native speaker of English, and it shows in her use (or misuse) of idioms and her unorthodox syntax, but those are easy to overlook. Her message is passionate and compelling.Her expectations of herself and of whatever man she loves were formed early in life. An abusive father did nothing to protect her from the evils men are capable of. Indeed, he taught her "that violence was the first special sign of tough love which I should endure."Later, Ivan conditions her to say what he wants to hear: "Yes, I love you. Yes, you are the best man ever. Yes, your roughness is exactly what I need. Yes, I am enjoying it. Yes, I do, yes I do. Yes, you are, you are. I couldn't whisper these wors; I had to say them aloud and repeactedly because that was an order, the law."Her talent as a poet surfaces in line after line, e.g. "The love birds, feather by feather, were flying away" once the abuse began. And the abuse all too often begins after the woman has moved in, made a commitment, gotten herself into a situation that is hard (or nearly impossible) to get herself out of.Snjezana's story is painful to read (how much more painful to have lived through it!), but she leaves readers on a note of hope. "I was allowed to reach my dream," she tells us, "to live to write and to write to live, strong and smiling. I appreciate those things, truly and with my whole heart....Life can't be what we expect it be, it can be much more. It can bloom regardless of season and...regardless of the fact that some of those we love dearly will always be emotionally far from us. We can't change anyone and we can't make anyone stay."She concludes, "Some things we hope for, some are unpredictable, some we are always reaching for ... we leave as we came, empty-handed, only our hearts we keep and hearts that stay behind could be full and warm like the sun, complete."I'm sure that sounded better in her native tongue, but even so, I get what she's saying. Eloquent, impassioned, hopeful, and strong is how she emerges from a life of undeserved punishment and abuse. I hope we women and our daughters internalize her message. If I could, I'd make my own girls read this book, but they are fiercely independent. May it serve them well."Regardless of my own experience and the experience of women that I had a chance to meet," she messaged me via LinkedIn, "I still believe there are some very good men out there but as Flannery O'Connor once wrote: "A good man is hard to find." Unfortunately, even if we invest a lot of time in getting to know someone and we become familiar with that person there is no a guarantee that they will not disappoint or hurt us one day. That’s life… joy of going with the flow but not getting lost. I absolutely adore people who pour out their hearts regardless of risks and consequences."
If (Born in Sarajevo #2) by Snjezana MarinkovicThis is an emotional and thought provoking memoir of one woman's life. She is an immigrant, which puts her in a "special" class of people. She has seen and experienced war in her homeland. She suffers at the hands of an abusive mate, and endures humiliation, pain and suffering. It also is a story of survival.There are some who will read this and say, why didn't she just leave (sooner)? (I feel) no one truly knows what it is like to (live) in an abusive relationship, unless they have experienced it. The Author explains, how hard it was. How it affected her life, and how it changed her way of thinking.It is sad to say that in our country and abroad so much violence happens in the home. Domestic violence is still "a dirty little secret" that many women feel they have to endure, rather than have fingers pointed at them with condensation and being labeled as a fool for staying. And hearing "Why didn't she just leave?"I feel that If is a brave story of one woman's fight for survival. I also would like to think this book can help some women to leave an abusive relationship. I recommend to this book to all.
This book is the second part of the author's autobiography, which takes place after her move to America from her war-torn homeland of Sarajevo. Most of the book is a detailed account of the time she spent in an abusive relationship. It was interesting to read how she dealt with his increasing abuse by creating a bad "officer" in her head who was separate from the man she loved.I understand where the author is coming from, but still found it hard to feel sympathetic towards someone who would stay in an abusive relationship for nine years. It's sad to know there are so many women like her in similar situations, too afraid to do what she finally did and walk away from it. I do applaud her for taking that difficult step, and even now, for writing about it.What I enjoyed the most were the poetic writings she incorporated in the story, as they were deeply personal and very telling of what she was suffering emotionally during this time. As with her first book, Born In Sarajevo, these writings were my favorite part of the book. I have enjoyed reading parts I and II, and look forward to reading the next book in the autobiographical series.